Slipping Sanity Part Two
by Just-Met-A-Girl-Named-Maria
Summary: Here is the re-upload of Slipping Sanity that I promised. I completely changed many things, but many things are still the same. Will be updating soon. And I definitely want a new title, so leave suggestions in your reviews!
1. Chapter 1

Juanita smiled as she plopped food onto a plate. It had been the first time in nearly four months that her daughter had sat down to eat with her family. In fact, she hadn't eaten anything at all, except for the water that Anita forced down, and the alcohol. Maria sat staring blankly ahead of her. Juanita shakily put food in front of her daughter. Her sanity was hanging by a thread. When Bernardo had been killed, she nearly lost it, and then when she had found out that Maria had planned to run away with her brother's murderer, it made it even worse. But now the boy she had been promised to wed was in jail for killing some Polack named Tony. And apparently Maria loved him. And now here she was, watching her daughter's sanity slip away with every passing moment. She lived in constant terror that one wrong move would upset Maria, and that would be the final thread before she lost her completely. She would rather have her buried in the ground with Bernardo than watch her lose her mind.

"There you are Maria," she said placing the plate in front of her daughter.

Maria nodded in her direction, still not looking at her. She stared at the food in front of her. She jumped slightly when her Mama and Anita grabbed her hands to say a prayer. Maria bowed her head with the rest of her family, and she barely listened to the prayer. When her hands dropped back to her sides, she knew it was over. She continued to stare at the food, not wanting to eat any of it. None of it would make the dull ache inside of her go away. There was only one thing strong enough to make her forget.

"Maria?" Juanita said gently, and Maria's eyes darted to her. "Are you going to eat?"

Maria nodded and reached out to grab her fork and knife. Her hands shook as she cut up the meat that was in front of her. She could feel her mother's eyes staring at her, watching her every move. She wished she would stop. She had finally cut a piece small enough to fit in her mouth, and she placed it on her tongue, and chewed. It tasted bitter. Almost like nothing. She swallowed and looked to her mother, hoping now that she saw her eat she would stop watching her. Juanita smiled widely and turned her attention to her own food. Before eating again, Maria swept her eyes around the table. Her father never looked up from his food.

Maria's father had seen her as a complete disgrace after learning her plans to run away with his son's murderer. He hadn't said a word to her since that day. It made Maria's heart heavy to watch her father walk by, and just continue with his life every single day, pretending she was invisible. The man who had once lifted her up in the air and carried her on his shoulders, the man who had kissed her head and her cheek, the man who had called her his precious jewel, his little Maruca, wanted nothing more than for her to cease existing. She wanted to throw her arms around him and cry out to him: "Oh, Papa, please! I am still your little Maruca! Listen to me, _por favor!"_

But Maria simply didn't care enough. She didn't have the courage, or the willpower. And so she simply watched her father pass her by with her big, sad eyes, praying that one day he'd come scoop her up in his arms again.

Anita was also looking back and forth from the people at the table to her food. She found Maria's eyes, and tried to follow her gaze, and she discovered she was simply staring at the worn, empty walls. Anita reached under the table and gently took Maria's hand. Maria jerked out of her gaze and her eyes met Anita's. Anita gave her an encouraging look, and Maria smiled ever so slightly and turned back to her meal.

Juanita watched, her stomach boiling with envy. Maria was smiling. She _smiled. _What did Anita do that she didn't? Why was it that Anita could quiet down a screaming and crying Maria every night, but she never could? Why was it that Anita could get her to join them for dinner, but she couldn't? Why was it that Anita could make her _smile_, and she couldn't? She was her _mother. _Could it possibly be that Anita understood what Maria was going through? Anita had lost the love of her life as well. But thinking of this only infuriated her. _She_ had lost Bernardo too! Did Maria even _know_ how devastating it is to lose a child? Why didn't she ever speak to _her_? She understood! She wanted to help! _I don't want to lose another child because of hate! _

But instead of screaming, Juanita bit her tongue, and just remained silent. It was something that she had gotten very good at in the past year. She looked over at Maria, who was now simply pushing her food around.

Maria felt eyes boring into her again, and she looked up to see her mother staring at her. She hastily went back to cutting up the food and putting it in her mouth. As soon as she looked away, she went right back to just staring at it. She began to think if she ate any more she might vomit. It was disgusting her. She saw from the corner of her eye her Papa get up and walk back to the counter. As he walked, he held his empty plate by his side loosely. He lifted it up in attempt to put it on the counter, but due to his loose grip it slipped out of his hands and landed with a crash on the floor.

Maria watched it all happen slowly. The crash echoed through her head, deafeningly loud, morphing sickeningly in her ears into the horrid sound of a gunshot. She shrieked with terror and fell out of her chair, causing the chair to topple over, and land on the floor with a loud bang. She shrieked again, watching everything come alive before her. He was lying on the cold hard floor…bleeding…if she had only run faster the bullet might have hit her instead…

"TONY!" she shrieked, reaching out to hold him.

"Maria!" Anita lowered herself to the floor beside Maria and tried to calm her down. She was thrashing all over the floor, continuously screaming his name. Anita seized her around the waist and pulled her towards her.

"NO! NO! I HAVE TO HELP HIM!" Maria clawed at Anita, but she would not let go. "LET ME GO! PLEASE!"

Juanita watched the scene before her, feeling totally helpless. Tears built up in her eyes. This was it. Her daughter was gone. In her place was a screaming skeleton. A lost soul.

Anita had finally gotten Maria to snap out of it, and she was now cradling her like a baby.

"What is the matter with you?" her father shouted, stalking towards Maria. "I only dropped a plate!"

"Stop it!" Juanita put her arms out to stop him from getting any closer to Maria. "She cannot help it!"

"It is disgusting!" he spat at her. "A disgrace!"

"_Stop_ it!" Juanita shouted, anger boiling up inside of her.

"Let go of me!" he threw Juanita to the ground. He bent down on the ground and began spitting horrible things in Spanish, only inches away from Maria's face.

"Stop that!" Anita scolded him, shielding Maria's face from him. "You are upsetting her more!"

Maria was now screaming again, clamping her hands over her ears so tightly, it looked as if she was squeezing her head. Anita lifted Maria off the floor and carried her out of the kitchen and into her bedroom, placing her on her bed. Anita quickly shut the door and locked it. She sat down on Maria's bed and stroked her head until she calmed down and fell asleep.

Anita sat beside Maria for several more minutes after Maria had fallen asleep, still running her fingers through her dark, matted hair. She continuously ran her now shaking hand over the girl's damp head, and suddenly a sob escaped her lips. She clamped her hand over her mouth and quickly stood up and threw open the window. She clambered onto the fire escape and shut the window behind her. She tried to breathe as deeply as her burning lungs would allow, and she gripped the rusty bars of the fire escape until her knuckles were white, trying to steady herself despite her spinning head.

Her efforts to stay up and stay calm failed, and she sank down onto the cold metal floor, covering her face with her hands. She curled up into a ball, hugging her knees, and she sobbed into her arms. It was all too much. No one understood…no one cared…Anita knew she had to help Maria…it was her duty as her friend, especially since it had been Anita's lies that caused Tony to run recklessly into the streets.

But what if Anita wanted someone to cradle _her_, and tell _her_ that it was going to be alright? Nobody ever comforted her. She was losing her mind too. She just wouldn't allow herself to show it. She couldn't. Not that she was blaming Maria…everyone grieves differently. But no one would ever understand. The only one who would understand was Maria, but Maria had almost completely lost her mind. And Anita was going to lose hers too. Only no one cared about her. The only friend who would have stuck with her was Maria, but Maria was long gone. Anita was alone.

* * *

Juanita stayed on the floor crying as her husband stormed out of the apartment and Anita rushed into Maria's room with Maria in her arms. She listened to the sound of her daughter's screams and simply cried harder. The only thing keeping her sane had just gone insane. Soon Maria had fallen silent, and there was the noise of a window opening and closing, and then there was silence. The silence was so loud that Juanita's entire body trembled. She slowly got up and made her way towards Maria's room. She tried to open the door, but it was locked. She found the key in a drawer in her own bedroom where it always was. She opened the door and stepped inside, terrified of breaking the silence and waking her daughter. She scanned the room for Anita, but she was nowhere to be seen. Brushing away that thought, she slowly walked towards the bed, where Maria was lying asleep. She watched as she tossed and turned in her sleep, her brow furrowed with worry. Her heart ached for her lonely and confused daughter.

_"Mama…mama…" _Maria mumbled in her sleep. Juanita's attention snapped back to her daughter. _"Mama…mama…" _Her voice sounded just like it did when she was a little girl, back when everything was simple. Before the gangs, and the violence. Before the love, and the murder, and the death. _"Mama…'Nardo is hurt…"_ She might have been dreaming of the time Bernardo fell out of a tree, or the time he'd pushed Maria out of the way of a baseball and gotten hit in the head. _"'Nardo is hurt Mama…he is dying Mama…" _Juanita's heart stopped and she drew in a sharp, painful breath. _"Killer…killer…" _What was she saying? _"Killer! Killer, killer, KILLER!" _Maria was now screaming again. Juanita sat down on the bed and seized Maria's hand, rubbing it gently, praying it would calm her down. To her surprise and delight, it did.

_"Hold me…" _Juanita gathered her into her arms and held her like she did when she was little. _"Tighter…"_ She got a better grip on her and held her closer, squeezing her tighter as her daughter had said.

Suddenly Maria was quiet, but there was still a tiny whisper hissing out of her mouth. Juanita's brow furrowed in confusion and she leaned her ear toward Maria's mouth and listened closely.

_"There's a time for us…a time and place for us…" _Juanita's jaw clenched and she placed her daughter back onto her bed and watched her wrap her arms around her pillow. She could hardly understand anything else Maria said, but she didn't want to. She knew exactly what it was all about.

In this dream, Maria was talking to that boy…that Polack that killed Bernardo. Juanita was not the one who Maria wanted to hold her tighter. It was not her comfort that quieted her. It was the boy. What on Earth was going through Maria's head that night? The boy _killed her brother._ How could she even stand the sight of him? How could she let him hold her, and kiss her…how could she run away with him?

Juanita's stomach lurched. It was times when she thought like this where she wanted to seize her daughter by the shoulders and talk some sense into her. She wanted to shake her violently and scream. Maybe she wouldn't even speak. She'd just scream in her face. In her face…her scared, lonely, sad face…

Now Juanita wanted to scream at herself. She could never do that to her daughter, unless she wanted her to slip through her fingers and out of her reach forever.

Juanita sighed sadly. How could she betray her own brother like that? How could she betray Anita? How could she betray her entire family…?

And what was even more puzzling: How could Anita forgive her? The girl she called her best friend, practically her sister, had made plans to run away with her love's murderer. And not only that, she was going to leave her. At the time when Anita needed her most, she was going to leave her all alone. At the time that Juanita needed her most, she was going to leave her…

Juanita wiped away a fresh tear that had sprung up in her eyes. She could never understand it. She stood up and turned away from her daughter. She walked out of the room and shut the door rather abruptly without meaning to do so.


	2. Chapter 2

_Hello all. I'm quite upset the first chapter had no reveiws...Well if it's because it was technically something you "already read" in the last version, then just you wait! This is the last chapter until actual brand new stuff gets put up! And I won't post it until I get at least 2 or 3 reviews. How else do I know if any of you even want to read this? Again, this was a chapter from the older version, just touched up and made a lot nicer. I'm still looking for new titles, so be sure to help me out with that! Enjoy, and don't forget your reviews!_

* * *

"Tony?" Maria mumbled, watching him waste away right in front of her. She watched him wither away before her, and she could literally feel every fiber of her being breaking, snapping, and bursting.

"Tony?" she reached out to touch his quickly chilling face. "TONY! TONY!"

Then there was blood everywhere. She was drowning in it. There was no air…she couldn't breathe…she couldn't see…all she smelt, saw, and tasted was blood…death…

"TONY!"

There were hands dragging her away from him. She tried desperately to get out of their grasp, to get back to Tony…to try to save him…

"TONY!"

* * *

"TONY!"

"Maria?" Anita held on tightly to her thrashing body, speaking with a soft gentle voice. "Maria? Maria, wake up, it's Anita,"

"NO! I HAVE TO...TONY!" she was reaching out in front of her, and then suddenly she clamped her hands over her ears and began screaming.

"Shh…it was only a dream Maria…" Anita pulled her in closer and held her there.

Maria looked up to see that the hands were Anita's, trying to get her to stop thrashing about, and the shouting voice was only Anita trying to get her to calm down. Her pupils became larger again as they focused on the familiar face to which the arms belonged. This was a real face that was really there, existing in a world that truly existed. And then the terror came rushing back all at once. The horrid smell and taste of blood and death…the fear of falling back asleep and slipping back into the nightmare…

A tiny sob escaped the girl's lips and big fat tears rolled down her cheeks.

"It is alright baby…" Anita cradled her and stroked her head. "It was only a dream. I am here."

She let her cry for many minutes, and when she was finally done, she looked up at Anita and smiled.

"What?" Anita asked.

"You are so pretty," Maria said airily, staring at Anita's face.

"So are you," Anita smiled back at her.

Maria chuckled. "Anita?"

"Yes?"

"Have I gone mad?" Maria said twisting her finger around a string hanging off of Anita's nightgown.

Anita didn't know what to say. She simply stared at Maria as she played with Anita's nightgown, not even wanting to think about the answer.

"No, of course not," Anita lied, gently untwisting the string off of Maria's finger.

"Are you sure?" Maria had now taken to rubbing her hands since she had nothing else to do with her hands.

"Of course," Anita said, watching the way she rubbed her hands.

"If I was," Maria stopped staring at her hands and looked up at Anita. The way she looked at her reminded Anita of when they were children together, when Maria would give her a pleading look in attempt to stop Anita from doing something that would get them in trouble. "Would you send me away?"

"No! I would never send you away Maria!" she shifted her position and sat Maria up so that they were facing each other. "You are my friend. I would never let you live in any of those places that crazy people live in. I will take care of you. I always have and I always will."

"Good," Maria said. "If you did, I do not know what I would do. If I was away from you…who would be there to hold me when I cry…?" Her voice trailed off and she began rubbing her hands again, staring blankly ahead of her.

"Oh Maria…" Anita wrapped her arms around her and kissed her head. "I am always here to hold you."

"Remember when we were little?" Maria said slipping out of Anita's grip. "And we would play together, and we would giggle all night until we fell asleep together?"

"Yes I remember," Anita said, smiling at the thought of the two of them as little children.

"I remember too," Maria said, laying down and pulling Anita down next to her. "'Nardo used to come into my room and yell at us to be quiet."

"Yes," Anita said, taking a sharp breath. "He did." Anita placed a blanket over the two of them.

"It hurts Anita."

"What?" Anita turned to her confused.

"Everything. It just hurts," Maria mumbled, her voice trailing off.

"I know baby." Anita kissed her forehead. "It hurts me too."


End file.
